Earth, calling Lucille!

There have been a million times I have felt guilty for letting this blog stay dormant, for the pages to stay barren, for my thoughts – yearning for a chance to be penned down- die a slow, painful, silent death.

What’s my excuse to be away from the one thing that truly drives me?

Busyness. (eeks!)

Maybe the intensity of my desire to write wasn’t strong enough to draw me here.
But today, something, or rather – someone did.

I’m back, and I’m here to stay.

Hello, Lucille!
Welcome back :)
You have been missed, terribly.

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The Window to his Soul!

I keep trying so hard to forget him, to get him out of my conscious thoughts. And it makes me think, if it is such a struggle, maybe forgetting him isn’t the thing to do.

If he keeps popping into my head whenever I am trying to find myself, in a space that is meant just for me – then, I shouldn’t deny him the entry. I’m going to let him visit, let his soul speak to me what his mind otherwise holds back.

I am going to treasure those moments, cos in that space, I know I will truly hear his heart speak. He wants to tell me a million things, but he is afraid. I know he is. Afraid of losing his heart again and never getting it back. I know I am too.

Somehow, I see our souls connected by an invisible thread, that draws us closer just as we try to go your separate ways. And we have been on different paths, for a long time now. Then why do we keep coming back to that crossroad? Why do we keep questioning what we have between us? What do we have between us? Cos honestly, if we weren’t meant  to be, we would’ve just fallen out of each others’ lives easily.

There’s a million things left unsaid. Maybe they will stay like that forever. Maybe we will finally say it through secret conversations with each others’ souls. Maybe this is all a big, fat dream ~and I will have no memory of it tomorrow. Maybe I will. Maybe I’d find that questioning look, those unspoken words, those unexpressed emotions that we both know we are feeling when I look into those eyes – the window to his soul, years after we’ve claimed we have moved on. And maybe, blinking it away is the best thing I could do for both of us. Maybe.

 

 

THE VOICES

The Heart

Follow your gut. Go after what you believe in. What you truly want.

Don’t stand at the end of the pool, don’t hesitate. Deep dive. What kind of living is it, if you don’t involve your entire being in it?

Soak up every moment. Grab every chance you get to be with him.

How can you stay away from him, when all you want to do is grab him and exhibit every ounce of the love you feel for him?

You love the warmth of those arms.The scent of his being. The way he whispers your name in your ears, creating sensations you never imagined you’d experience.

You want him. You’ve dreamed of those kisses, and blushed at the very thought of it.
Damn, why isn’t he pinging? You should call him and ask him if everything’s ok.

He must be thinking about you too.

Did you see the way he looked at you today? *melt*

It’s in the way he apologised. It seems like he really means it. Or like he is making a genuine effort.
If you really love him, don’t let egos come in the way. Pick up the phone. Talk to him. His voice will soothe you. And then maybe, your resolve won’t be so strong. But you will feel the love you’re craving for.

The Mind.

Your choices haven’t always been the best. They cost you dearly.

Is this what you really want? Do you even know what you want?

Tread carefully. You give away your heart too easily.

Wait it out. Let him call you.

Don’t meet him. You won’t be able to resist his charm.

Is it enough that only you love him this passionately? Where is his ‘crazy’?

Give him the space and time to yearn for you, to realize that his being is incomplete without you. That his existence is just as meaningless as yours, when you’ll lead separate lives.

Calling him is a sign of weakness.

What if you call and find someone else on the other end?

What if I call and he disconnects? That will make me think a lot more. And it will drive you insane.

Is he really worth this?

What if he never really loved you? Would you be able to handle it?

What if he is using every fibre of his being in trying to get you off his mind?

Did you see the way he looked at you today? Maybe that was just a moment. Don’t dwell on it.

Sorry. How does one word take away all the pain you felt?

Don’t let him in again. You’ve built an amazing wall around your heart. And I am here to ensure that it never breaks again. Trust me.

The Heart v/s The Mind.
Who wins this battle?