Have you ever felt disappointment?
Like you’re burning inside, like you can feel your heart melt away?.
And yet you know there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop this?
India v/s Australia.
World Cup Finals.
Thank you for giving us good cricket, Team India.
Am I incapable of dealing with complex emotions?
Has the fear of pain, rejection, and mistrust left me cynical, crazy, and questioning every motive?
I don’t want to hurt any more.
Is that too much to ask?
Please spare my heart.
It took me a long time to mend the broken pieces.
The scars still show, that I’m ok with. That I can live with.
I’m afraid I won’t have the strength to put it back again this time.
That I just cannot do.
Is it easier to pretend you don’t care, than to actually feel?
You know what emotions make me feel?
Foolish. Silly. Naive. Gullible.
Oh, I wish I didn’t care.
You’re like a gust of cool wind, that kisses my cheek on a warm, sunny day.
You’re like the birdsong I love waking up to.
Like that tune I’ve got stuck in my head, for more than a week now.
That won’t go away even after I’ve heard a million more.
You’re like a ear worm.
Playing on loop, in my head, all day.
Like someone said,
is it ok to be haunted by someone who is still alive?
You’re my most favourite memory.
Today, I shall know know more than what I knew yesterday.
~ A Mentor
This feels all too familiar.
I’ve been through this before.
The way you creeped into my heart slowly
Tearing down the brick walls around it with your bare hands.
Peeling every complex layer that I’d added over the years.
Tears stinging the eyes, no one seems to mind.
The sound of something being unlocked.
My heart gives you a corner to take refuge.
You find a spot. Get comfortable.
Get me comfortable.
Get me to open up.
I take my time.
It’s easier to assume the worst.
I’m careful. Watchful.
Guarding my heart.
Until I get tired. Allow myself to feel.
Not fearing the pain anymore.
The prospect of pain can’t keep me from living my life, loving with all my heart.
And then that day arrives.
It did not take you long.
That familiar pain is back.
Stinging my eyes. Piercing my heart.
You played me. So well.
I was yours: hook, line and sinker.
I was a bait. Or your catch.
Whatever you preferred to call it.
Waiting for you to completely destroy me.
There was nothing left of my old self anyway.
I will not cry.
How can I!
I do not feel anymore.
Ah, that familiar pain is back.
This is all I recognise now.
This is what I’ve come to be.
I am pain.
And it does not hurt anymore.