The Day I Felt Like Tangdi Kabab!

This has been my first attempt at documenting my horrific train journeys… which were mostly during my college days!

There is something about trains journeys… (especially the LADIES COMPARTMENT) that I look forward to… right from pushing the ladies to get that spot near the door (even though there isn’t much rush) to fighting with them for entering your space (which mostly means the aura around me). Over the years, the fights have been many… but the reasons have been equally unique and entertaining!

Lets start with the very first day of college: its the first day of your independence, no more uniforms, no more  restrictions, no more tabs on where you’re going & what you’re doing. So with brightly coloured nails (toe nails of course.. finger nails were a victim of my ‘nail biting’) & and even more colourful wardrobe- I set off to experience one of Mumbai’s most harrowing experiences – The LOCAL Train! It is said that once you master the art of travelling in a Mumbai Local, you can travel in any part of the world… under any circumstances! I was about to get the very first dose of that lesson.

The very first journey was an eventful one: after much struggle, I finally managed to enter the area near the seats and stand comfortably. Until a few college students notice me and ask me to pass my bag to them. I thought they were trying to rag me, and anyone who knows me well enough knows that I cant live without my bag! Hell, I used to even sit with my bag during the entire tuition class!   Anyway, they didn’t know me… so I did not expect them to know that. And they seemed nice. So I passed the bag and started chatting with them. During the course of the conversation, I got to know that these 2 were a year older than me – seniors in my college. So, they kept filling me in on vital details a fresher needed to know! By the next 2 stations, there was a vacant seat and these 2 pretty gals asked me to sit. And I did not know how to react * yes it was a pretty dumb moment* and I immediately blabbered ” you’ll sit.. you’ll are my seniors na!” There was laughter and how… I think I remember Priyanka & Nancy still laughing at my act of lickass :P

But that journey was quite nice actually… wait till you hear about the return journey!

So, after an eventful day at college, I step on to a Borivali-bound local to get to my humble abode at Malad. My group of friends and I stand near the door as they had to get off at Andheri! And despite warnings from fellow passengers that we would get crushed at Andheri, we decided to brave all forces and dug in our heels at the entrance. Now if it were just the entrance, it would be fine. But I was standing at the pole between the door and was enjoying the breeze in my face! I think I even remembered doing a ‘gazab ka hain din’ dance! (*yeah, Im crazy like that – bollywood rules my life!*) And then finally, comes the dreaded Andheri station – it seems like slow motion now, and yet, its still so vivid. The ladies are waiting on the platform, ready to attack, preparing to jump into the train. Fear has crippled me!I tried to jump out, there was OBVIOUSLY no way I could do that! I tried to jump in, and all  I could hear were shouts, abuses, and then…there was HITTING! The ladies whacked the shit outta me…asking me what was I thinking standing at the pole! It was a question I wanted to ask myself too! If you think this was bad, read on! 

Next train tragedy: 4.39 Virar-bound local.
There’s a reason why I remember the local time: its cos college would get over at 4 pm and between 4 & 5 pm, there was only this Virar-bound local that was a fast train (halting at all stations after Andheri). Most Mumbaikars would agree with me that slow locals make the journey seem 10 times slower! Hence, we would play with our life & board this local, with the Virar ladies abusing us and reminding us how we have so many Borivali locals and still we board this train shamelessly! LOL!

Anyway, getting back to my story, since I had to get off at Malad, I would stand in the aisle at Andheri – so that I reach the door by the time my station arrives! So, one fine day, as I waited near the doorway; I rested my hand on the handle near the door. And I realized that there was a short lady standing next to me and my hand was crushing her neck as I held the handle. At first I thought I would move my hand, but then figured that if she had a problem, she should mention it. So I decided against it, and with each passing station… there was increasing pressure on her neck. LOL, I know – MEAN! Anyway, her station arrived – Goregaon! And can you believe the gall of this woman? Ok, some of you are not gonna believe this, but THIS IS A TRUE STORY! The lady frees herself from me, grabs my arm (the fleshy part of it) and bites it like its TANGDI KABAB! Not once, not twice… but three times! THREEEE TIMES!!

Eeeekks! I was in puke heaven! At first I couldn’t believe it. She did that, got off the train and gave me a look that said “take that you bitch!” And then realization dawned upon me. The ladies just kept staring at me and then her… like it was some tennis match! I was stumped, speechless! I realized my mouth was an open invitation for mosquitoes… so I shut it quickly, wiped and arm and wished that I was invisible! Ugh! Thank God I had to get off at the next stop… which came pretty soon! I have never ever felt like food item in my life… EVER! Until that day ! :P

Ladies: train journeys can teach you life-changing lessons.

Like for example: NEVER EVER take a seemingly small, powerless woman for granted. She has powers beyond one’s imaginations! ;)

That’s it for today… I will be back with the horror tales.

Have a safe journey till then!
xoxo

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