Always on my mind!

“Not a day goes by, when I don’t think of you
after all this time, you’re still with me, it’s true!”
~ Lonestar

He could make the day seem bright, with just one smile.
All my troubles, all my worries, they would just melt away with one tight hug.
With those big, protective arms closing in on me,  I would feel secure.

He would listen to me jabber all kinds of nonsense, without grumbling.
There were times I’d notice he was still on the same page of the newspaper, waiting for me to zip it so that he could read in peace.
Yet, he didn’t shut me up. he just waited till I did.

He knew all my secrets, he was the only one I could share the bad ones with. And I kept some of his too.
He knew about my weaknesses, and he never let anyone laugh at them.

But it was true. I had taken him for granted.
I never ever wanted to think about the time when he wouldn’t be in my life.

Maybe if I had, I would have collected many more memories to treasure.
The ones I have right now are a blurry haze, mostly good ones mixed with the painful ones.

All those months it took to diagnose those bad cells,
And the harrowing months that followed, was more than I could take!

He was afraid at first, to reveal it to the world.
He fought it bravely, but had his weak moments.

And once he had finally accepted it, he did overcome  it.
Who knew, that it would come back to haunt him!

He wanted to spend his birthday in Goa, away from us all.
His very first birthday in solitude, his last birthday ever.

He did call though, and cried like a baby.
Maybe in some way, he DID know!

I still remember the day I found out about his relapse,
I just couldn’t believe the reports.

I walked in a daze, till I couldn’t recognize where I was.
And I couldn’t face him when he asked what the doctor said.

He knew it, the doc made it so obvious.
Yet, I knew if I looked into his eyes, he would break down too.

There were so many things he wanted to do,
And I kept reassuring him that he would survive it all.

I wish I hadn’t given him false hope,
But that’s all I could offer.

I wish I hadn’t wanted to sleep that night,
I wish I had said “I love you” enough!

I still remember the time when he gave me a light kiss on my cheek, with that look in his eyes that said it all
He said “thank you”. I asked him for what and he replied “for everything” !

For days, I kept thinking he would ring the bell and walk in,
Just like he did for the past 17 years of my life!

My heart would skip a beat every time the phone rang.
But that familiar voice is just a memory now.

It took me some time to realize that life would never be the same again. EVER.
That he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle.

But he’s watching over us, making sure that we’re ok.
How do I know? These lil babies are a sign from above. 

Dad, your babies miss you! And mom, even more.
The seeds of love you’ve sown in hearts, only keep growing everyday!

Miss you much, dada! We’re ok, and we know you are too!

And if I ever wonder where you are,
I imagine you singing these words to me…

“I’m already there 
Take a look around. 
I’m the sunshine in your hair 
I’m the shadow on the ground 
I’m the whisper in the wind 
I’m your imaginary friend 
And I know I’m in your prayers 
Oh I’m already there” 

~ Lonestar


2 thoughts on “Always on my mind!

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